The Parent's
Guide
Table of Contents:
Welcome
l
A Brief History
l Money Matters
l Student Services
l Questions & Answers
Hints for Parenting a College Freshman
l Stress Periods for Students
l Off to a Good Start
Hints for Parents a College Freshman
Your daughter or son, along with two million other young adults
in the United States, is about to begin an experience that will
be both exciting and frightening, a period of joy, pain,
discovery and disappointments. These students are beginning an
interval of important personal transitions, and you are entering
this period with them. You will experience happiness and defeat
as they do-possibly with as much satisfaction and joy or
disappointment. Some hints may help you and your student prepare
for what lies ahead.
HINT # 1
Write (even if they don't write back).
Freshmen are typically eager to experience all the
away-from-home independence they can in those first few weeks,
but most are still anxious for family ties and the security
those ties bring. Even though 99% of the freshmen won't admit
it, they love news from home, however mundane it may seem to
you. There's nothing more depressing than a week of empty
mailboxes, but don't expect a reply to every letter you write.
Hint #2
Ask Questions (but not too many).
College freshmen are "cool" (or so they think) and have a
tendency to resent interference with their newfound lifestyle,
but most desire the assurance of knowing that someone is still
interested in them. Feel free to give advice on particular
majors but don't insist on your student declaring a major during
the freshmen year. The educational system is designed to allow
students to explore all sorts of alternatives to a life long
plan and career goal. Try for the supportive, relief-giving
style rather than the alienating nag effect.
Hint #3
Expect Change (but not too much).
Your student will change (This will happen drastically within
the first few months, slowly over four years or somewhere in
between.) It's natural, inevitable, and can be inspiring and
beautiful. Often it's a pain in the neck! A pre-med major may
discover that biology is not his/her thing after all. Also, it's
important to note that the average student changes his or her
major at least three times during the four years of college. The
main thing is to be patient.
Hint #4
Don't worry about frantic phone calls or letters.
Often, when troubles become too much for a freshman to handle
(bad grade, deteriorated relationship, shrunken T-shirt all in
one day) the only place to run is home. In such a "crisis" your
student unloads the trouble or tears and returns to the routine,
relieved and lightened, while you inherit the burden of worry.
Hint #5
Do not tell them that "These are the best years of their lives".
Any parent who believes that all college students get good
grades, knows what they want to major in, always have
activity-packed weekends, have thousands of close friends and
lead worry-free lives is wrong. Parents who perpetuate and
insist upon "best year" stereotypes are working against their
student's already difficult self-development. Those who accept
and understand highs and lows of their student's reality are
providing the support and encouragement students need.
Hint #6
Trust them.
Finding oneself is difficult enough without feeling that the
people whose opinions you respect most are second-guessing you.
One of the most important things a parent can communicate to a
daughter or son might go something like this, "I love you and
want for you all the things that make you the happiest, and I
guess you, not I, are the one who knows best what those things
are."
Hint #7
Visit (but not too often).
Occasional visits by parents (especially when accompanied by
shopping sprees, dinners out, etc.) are another part of
first-year events that freshmen are reluctant to admit to liking
but appreciate greatly. Pretended disdain of such visits is just
another part of the first-year syndrome. Visits give students a
chance to introduce some of the important people in both worlds
(home and school) to each other. In addition, it's a way for
parents to become familiar with (and more understanding of)
their son's or daughter's new activities, commitments and
friends.
Spur-of-the-moment surprise visits are usually not appreciated.
Pre-emption of a planned weekend of studying or other activities
can have disastrous results. With some notice, you may even
enjoy the rare sight of a clean room.
Hint #8
Water what you want to grow.
If your first questions are always about dates, social
activities or the score of the recent game rather than about
books, ideas, classroom discussions and co-curricular activities
(out-of-class lectures, seminars, concerts, intramural
activities, etc.), you may send the wrong signal about what is
really important at the university.
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